My son woke me up at 6am this morning. I have to tell him to wake me as soon as he gets up or he will make some kind of huge mess. Last night he ground lotion into his carpet when I thougt he was asleep. This is just one of many bad things he dose through out the day. One day he fpund a permanant marker and wrote all over our new $1000 t.v with it. It took my husband over an hour to get it off. If I dont have my eye on him all the time he will do things like this. He is 3 yrs old. Im really hoping this is just a phase. I cant let him have crayons because he will color on everything but his coloring book. I have tried everything to get him to stop. Ive tried talking to him, time outs, spanking, and nothing seems to do anygood. The other day he got into the proxide and drank it. We had to call poisen control. I was so scared. That night he got my kitchen cleaner out. I got to him before he drank some. Im so scared that he is going to do somthing like this and Im not going to catch him in time.... If anyone has any ideas that i havent tried please tell me. 

And then theres my one yr old daughter. She is teething and its been a bad exspeirence for her and me. The stress is really getting to me. Some times I just break down and cry because of it all. Im suposed to be on anti depressents but my husband and I cant afford it. I want to be a better mom. Its just so hard. My husband wanted me to start this blog so I would have a way to vent my feelings. I hope it will help.

The really hard part is that I cant get a break from it. My husband moved away from my family. Were just 2hrs away but with gas prices its hard to see them or get any support from them. His family lives here but his mom dosnt help at all. She works 5 mins away and only sees her grandkids mabey once a month. She never wants to baby sit but she ask us to baby sit her 6yr old daughter all the time. The one time she babysat she acted like she was doing us some big favor. I would hire a babysitter but as i have said we just cant aford it. I want to be able to go out with my husband without the kids one and a while. My dad likes to take my son but its hard for him to get down here to pick him up bacause of money. Wow. Im just whining. Mabey I need to once and a while.

I also want to louse weight. I have gained 90lbs between my two kids and now i cant get it off. I think its due to all the stress i go though. I dont know. I will write more tomorrow...